Author's Notes: um, lots of angst... yeah, I cried when I was writing it... sorta

unbetaed... but not really

"Dear friends;

I'm sorry to end it. It was great, it really was! I enjoyed every minute with you. But the pain of hiding behind my mask has become too much. I grew weary, and all though you'd never be able to tell with me, it was eating away at me. My loneliness. Everyday, I would put on my facade of being happy and hyper, and watch you smile and laugh. Those were my happy moments in the days. But the days seemed to grow longer, and I know I would never have been able to keep the smile on my face.

I needed to end it before I lose more of myself to that lie. I'm so sorry.

I love you all.

Squall.

My best friend. I know things will be good for you. I hope that what Rinoa has done for you, opened you up stays with you. You were a good person then, even though you'd get frostbite from being around you for an extended period of time... but, you've opened yourself up, and showed me sides to you I never thought I existed. Thank you.

Selphie.

My partner in so many crimes. Live well, love often, and be merry. And damn it, you and Irvy need to stop making out in the closets! Yer gonna get caught! I'm sorry I won't be there to plot the next big thing with you. I love you lots!

Irvine.

I didn't really know you for too long, but you better keep Selphie happy! I mean, do that for me okay? I wish I could remember more of you, than what I do. But, the new memories are I'm sure, better than the old!

Quistis.

My confidant, and friend. You have taught me much. You tried to teach me so much, and I probably threw the most of it out the window. Thank you for being there, being a shoulder to cry on, and listening to my woes. If anyone ever really knew me, it was you. You seen me on the worst days of my life and still accepted me. To you, I am the most sorry too. You probably seen the signs, and its not your fault that you couldn't stop me. It was never your fault. Please, don't blame yourself. I love you Quisty, and thank you.

Rinoa.

I don't know what to say. I didn't know you very long. I'm sorry that you and Squall broke up, but yer a smart and pretty girl. I'm sure you'll be in love again soon! Thanks for the times when you lifted my spirits. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you more about me.

To my friends, and comrades. I'm sorry. I have one request to make. Enclosed in this envelope, is a letter to Seifer. Could someone please give it to him?

Thanks.

My friends, and my family. I will love you forever.

Zell Dincht"

Quistis read the letter to the small group gathered in the Quad. She wiped at the tears that flowed freely down her face. She felt so much guilt inside. She knew he was sad, depressed even. But she felt like she did nothing to help him. Her thoughts were quickly stopped when Squall's voice, sounded in her ears. His voice was broken, and he kept wiping at his eyes.

"I'll go give the letter to Seifer." He held a gloved hand out to the stunning blonde.

She nodded and handed the sealed letter over.

Selphie stood crying into Irvine's jacket. Rinoa sat on the floor, hugging her legs, tears flowing freely on her cheeks.

She watched as Squall turned to leave and began to walk away. He stopped, turned again, and asked, "Why did he do it? Why did he die?"

Quistis shook her head. "Its not my place to say. He had his reasons, and I can't break my trust to him. I'm sorry Squall."

The cold beauty quickly stalked back to Quistis, grabbing her shirt and pushing her against the wall. "Are you saying you could have stopped him? You knew why he did this, and you didn't come to one of us?" His voice was getting louder and began to crack.

"No, Squall, I couldn't stop him. Nobody could. Don't you think that if I knew that he was going to do this, I would've tried to stop him? I'm sorry I'm not awake 24/7 Squall! I'm sorry I wasn't holding his hand every fucking day! I'm sorry that I couldn't be there! I am so sorry! Don't you even think that his death doesn't affect me! Don't you ever think that for a minute! It probably affects me more than it will ever affect you and fucking cold heart!" Quistis yelled back, not moving Squall's grip, not trying to get free. Squall hung his head. "I'm sorry. I'll give this to Seifer."

With that, he turned and left.

Rinoa slowly got up; she clutched her hands in front of her breasts. "I know this sounds awful, but has anyone found his body yet? I mean, without the body, he could be alive, right?"

Quistis stared at the girl. 'Was she really that daft? No, she's just being optimistic.' "No, they haven't found his body." She sighed heavily. "I am actually going to go and look right now. But first, I should call his mother."

"Are you sure you should do that? I mean, maybe you should call after you find his body." Rinoa offered.

Quistis looked at the brunette. 'She has a point. Find Zell, confirm, then call.' She nodded.

Irvine led the crying Selphie away. Quistis hurried to the elevators to look on the upper decks. Rinoa was left in the Quad, staring out into the forest.

Squall walked through the halls of the Garden. He felt cold. Colder than he ever felt. He wanted to find Seifer, and fast. He hoped that Seifer was going to make some crack towards him, that way he could release his anger, hurt and frustration. He was angry with Zell for taking his life. He didn't understand why he did it. Quistis knew, and wouldn't talk. That's what lent him his frustration. He was hurt, because he thought that Zell was being selfish. 'If he had problems, why didn't he come and talk to us? We would have tried to help. I mean, I would have stopped working... wouldn't I have? Maybe he did try to talk to me, but I was too busy. Selphie would have. I know she would have. Why? I don't understand. And why did he write a letter to Seifer? Why does he get his own letter?'

Squall glanced at the passing dorm rooms till he came to Seifer's. He gingerly pressed the intercom button.

A groggy "What?" was the response.

"Open the door Seifer."

"Why? What do you want Puberty Boy?"

Squall let his cold anger roll through him. "Open the fucking door. Now."

The door opened and a tall and very sleepy Seifer stood before him. "What do you want Squall?"

Squall handed the letter over to him. His eyes on the chicken like scratching that were Zell's handwriting. A tear slid down Squall's cheek. He quickly wiped it away. "That is for you, from Zell."

"What? You're playing messenger boy at 2 in the morning? Is he sending me love letters? Come in, I'll give you the response so you can run back to the Chicken-Wuss."

Squall let an icy smile slide onto his pale face. Seifer felt a chill run down his back. He had never seen that look on his opponent's face. Never. It was a look of danger.

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