Reflections
Chapter Five
By Sodoshiin
Warnings - ANGST ANGST!!! SAP!!!
Very depressing in first parts. I don't know what pushed me to write something like this. I'm a very happy person. ^_^ ;
YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI ((d'uh, what ELSE do I write using this penname?))
C&C are welcomed and encouraged. ^_^
Flames will be used to make smores for Ifrit and his little minions. Thanks!
These guys don't belong to me!!! They belong to Square....lucky Square, gets most of the good game bishies. :p @ Square. o_O I wonder who Gackt belongs to... *gets evil ideas*
Reflections
Chapter Five
By Sodoshiin
I was called by a dim light.
There was a fleeting memory of my dream
and the voice whispering.
The strings of the past are now fading,
and they show me the image of scenery I
could no longer see in a present time.
The image is you, here beside me.....smiling.
Yes....I remember it like it was yesterday.
You looked at me and touched my soul
deeper inside than anybody could.
The joy of sharing,
and that fateful encouter with you,
even out tender memories,
everything leaves me behind and vanishes into the light.
Within my fading memories,
still, I wanted to hold you once again..
I keep on shouting your name, so sad and painfully
until my voice withers.
"Where in the world do human beings come from,
and where do they end up?
My precious loved one, only you are missing...."
You dropped your eyes and you were shuddering,
and I wanted to embrace you with my very own arms.
I realized that I wanted to protect you,
in this whole world,
and only you.
I will vanish in a moment but still,
I do not want to let you go.
So sad and painful, the days you hold me,
I will never forget....
- Translation of Sekai ~Story~ original song and lyrics by Gackt
Squall
I was under Seifer's care for all of maybe three days. During those he'd disappear for a few hours, within which I mostly slept, and return for food or just to check on me.
One afternoon he helped me out of the bed and helped me back toward the house.
I was pretty confident I could walk on my own, but I didn't say anything. I liked being this close to him, even though I knew I was just teasing myself. Still, it didn't keep me from imagining it was MY Seifer I was with, and that he was taking me someplace special...
I was half right.
The house looked great.
The walls were clean, painted to an inviting light blue. Everything had been polished until it shone. The floors had been scrubbed so clean I could see my reflection it them.
I just stared there in awe. "You did all this?"
"Didn't have much else to do." He shrugged. "There's still more that has to be done but I think it's good for now."
I walked farther into the room and looked around. "It's great!"
"I thought it could use a little touchup. Might make you feel better if you don't have to look at that fugly wall color every morning."
I nodded.
Then I stared.
On the table sat the burnt remains of the picture. The blackened pieces were settled together as if it had been a puzzle someone had tried to put together.
More than half of it was gone.
I walked forward, touching the ashy surface of one piece, part of where my Seifer should have been, now only a dark smear of yellow and blue on the black.
My head bent, my eyes stinging.
"It was all I had left of him...." I whispered, trying to picture the face that had once been there. The smile I had seen millions of times.
I couldn't see it. And the parts i remembered were fading from my mind.
Maybe someone was trying to tell me something. Maybe that it was pointless to hold onto it anymore.
And it made sense.
"I tried to save as much of it as I could..." I heard him sigh sadly.
"Thank you..." I told him quietly. I turned, looking at the floor. "I suppose you're going to be leaving soon?"
"Tonight." he replied.
I winced. I hadn't expected it to be so soon. But I supposed seeing as how it was inevitable and that he'd only stayed to make sure I was alright there wasn't much choice. "Alright."
"All my things are packed." He added. "I can leave whenever."
"You should probably head out soon....try to get as far as you can before it gets dark..."
"Yeah, I was thinking that....." I knew his eyes were aimed somewhere else. He probably felt guilty for having to leave me again. "Will you be alright on your own?"
I nodded, turning and offering him a smile. "I've done alright on my own so far."
"Squall...I-"
"It's alright." I assured him. And it was. For the first time it was alright that someone was leaving me. Something in me was telling me what to do, and it had to be done with no one around. "Go ahead. Everyone's probably worried about you."
He looked at me for a moment before nodding. "I'll see you again?"
"Of course." I lied.
He watched me for a few moments, as if expecting me to say more. I didn't.
"I'm sorry...."
I was silent.
He went back to the lighthouse to collect his things.
He said goodbye one more time before he left. Asking me again if I wanted him to stay.
He couldn't stay.
It wasn't right for me to keep him here.
When he left I walked upstairs and turned on the shower.
There's a saying that you should let the ones you love be free. I don't know how that pertained to me. Seifer was free. I did love him. But he wan't mine to keep in the first place. There was nothing I could do.
I didn't think much as I stood under the flow of the water.
I walked out with a towel around my waist and collasped onto the bed.
I didn't allow myself to cry, or think.
I drifted, not really sure of where I was going.
It was over.
And I just stopped caring.