Tuesday, January 6th

Zell lay patiently waiting on the bed, and had drifted into a nice dream when Seifer threw the front door open and stormed in.

"Stupid fucking Squall!" he swore and noticed Zell sitting on his bed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Zell felt immediately insulted, and not without reason. "Excuse me?" he asked.

Seifer snarled and headed into the bathroom to shower. Whilst he was there furiously scrubbing his skin, thinking maybe pain would calm him, Zell sighed and flopped back to lie down. When Seifer let him have the last word, Zell realised it meant he was sorry.

'Strange way of showing it.'

When the bully emerged he looked moderately calmer, for Seifer at least.

"You wanna tell me what that was about?" Zell asked quietly, not sure if he wanted to know.

Seifer stopped rubbing at his hair and looked at Zell. "Never mind that," he growled hungrily. After an extremely shitty day it was good to come home to a nice fuckable body. He crawled over the bed to Zell's side and began kissing his way up the smaller boy's neck. Zell's body would make him feel better.

"Don't snap at *me* when you're pissed off with Squall," Zell told him as he arched his neck back. "Tell him."

"I did," Seifer flicked his tongue into Zell's ear. "He's a dickhead. Now shut up."

Zell sighed but let him have his way nonetheless. He had to stop doing that. He'd let Seifer have his way on Hynemas and New Year's... The little blond let out a small laugh as Seifer pulled away. "Mmm."

Seifer looked up from where he was beginning to take off his boots. "Huh?"

"Thinkin' 'bout New Years," Zell propped himself up on his elbows.

The gunblader raised an eyebrow and grinned lecherously. "You want to do that again huh?"

"Of course," Zell smirked. "And the sooner the better, so get your arse over here."

Seifer smiled and grabbing one of Zell's ankles in each hand sharply pulled him down the bed to straddle the older blond's hips. "How 'bout you come over here?" he growled playfully, pressing himself over Zell like a tiger over caught prey.

Zell tried to suppress a giggle. "K, but you gotta make it worth my while, babe."

Seifer's slow, lazy smirk faded away and he leant to catch Zell's lips with his own. Strange how the small martial artist made him feel so much better. Zell's presence caught him in a tight hug of absolution, like nothing he had ever done mattered, like he wasn't the monster he thought he was, like Zell wanted to be here... with *him*. But even if they whispered sweet nothings to each other, even if they kissed like lovers, even if they held each other when they were done they would never have the security, the warmth, the happiness, as they would with someone they loved. Was this tie all that bound them together? Their history, their lust- was that all they were?

There was still a mark on Zell's neck from last night. There was still a bruise on Seifer's shoulder, and the taste of Zell's inner thigh in his mouth. No matter what he ate, no matter how many times he brushed his teeth, that flesh, that warmth, that blood, saliva, and come would haunt him. He wanted it with a hunger he couldn't understand. Was it lust? Was it something ancient and primitive? Was it possession? All he knew was want.

Taking Zell's wrists in his hands he debated tying them up or holding them down. He wanted Zell in one place; still, his own, only his. If he tied him he could use both hands to touch him, but if he held him down it was more personal, more like ownership. So he collected both of Zell's hands in one of his and held them between their chests as he pressed a pattern of kisses down the martial artist's warm neck, tanned the colour of milky coffee.

Zell didn't mind his hands being caught, or the way Seifer had total control. It was all right; he'd had a bad day. Hyne knew Rinoa and Squall would have bossed him around while he researched Sorceress'; he deserved to have control over something now. So Zell lay back and let him do his thing. Seifer was beautiful in motion, he knew what he was doing and was damn good at it. Better than Irvine. Zell smirked at the thought. It felt like a kind of betrayal saying that this fuck buddy was better than his friend but it was true. Irvine was gentle, he was perfect for women, Zell imagined, because he made one feel loved, he made one feel like they *belonged*. But Seifer made one feel owned. It was selfish, no strings attached, totally meaningless, purely for pleasure sex. Or so it seemed.

There had been a time when Zell considered Seifer the bully as someone to be loathed, to be hated. Indeed, someone he did hate. He remembered, as Seifer pressed his fingers beside Zell's spine, he remembered a night when he'd hated Seifer, when he had wished him dead. It had been after one of Seifer's more hurtful and cruel acts of bullying. When the gunblader had actually physically threatened him for breaking a mug Seifer was particularly fond of. It seemed stupid now they were grown up, and considering Zell's birthday present to said bully had been cups. But there was a part of him that knew how petty Seifer could be, and why he had drawn Hyperion to hurt the gloveless martial artist. It was a good thing Quistis had shown up when she did.

But Quistis hadn't stemmed the hateful thoughts that blossomed in Zell's imagination that night. He had arrived back at his Ma's furious. She had been almost scared, Zell's temper rarely showed itself but when it did it was something to steer clear of. It was ferocious, like a smouldering volcano it waited, pressure building up until the fiery little blond exploded in a flurry of fists. His Ma knew he would never hurt her but sometimes she feared he would hurt himself letting it all out. That was why she was perfectly happy for him to have a punching bag and gloves, so long as he protected himself he could hit that bag of sawdust all night to vent.

His rage had been murderous but a full stomach and a restful night later, he realised he was wrong. Seifer didn't deserve murder or violence and Zell certainly didn't wish anyone any harm, no matter how much they irritated or hurt him. Violence begets violence; if he hurt Seifer he would be just as much an arsehole as Seifer was. Sure he might feel better, but he would rather be a good person, he would rather show his strength by holding back. It was easy to give into emotions. So he tried to teach himself patience. He heightened his natural generosity by giving people the benefit of the doubt too. The only trouble was Zell naturally let his emotions out; if he were angry, happy, sad, embarrassed everyone could tell just by looking at his face. He tried to control them.

This was one of the traits Seifer liked most about him. He tried but failed, he was a child longing after something he couldn't have. Control. Seifer took it from him. That was why the gunblader always managed to get a reaction from him because with Seifer around Zell couldn't keep control of his emotions. Seifer was too irritating, he crawled under Zell's skin and wriggled around in there like he owed the place. He *made* Zell give into his emotions and react. Like the open mouthed sigh that erupted softly by his ear whenever he tightened pressure on Zell's back or licked at his neck.

"Zell...?" Seifer whispered quietly, planting gentle kisses across his shoulder.

Zell smiled sleepily. He liked Seifer when he was in this mood. He would lose his anger almost instantly and become gentle and loving. It was bizarre, but touching. Somehow it made Zell feel like somehow the thread that held them together was growing thicker. "Mmm?" he replied.

There was silence as Seifer tried to remember what he had wanted to ask. He had pulled back and was looking at the smaller blond like a child gazes at the moon, at something they don't understand. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Zell frowned. "Huh?"

A small, rarely genuine smile flickered across Seifer's lips but was gone again before Zell could decide whether it was cute or not. "Never mind," he mumbled and kissed him generously. With a shrug of one shoulder he totally forgot about the question and got down to business.

Licking his lips Seifer pressed them just beside Zell's belly button, before capturing a little fold of flesh in his teeth. The martial artist moaned softly and rubbed his fingers through Seifer's hair, as though massaging his scalp. Seifer's addiction to his skin was almost a perfect substitute for never getting to top. Seifer would never relinquish control to Zell like that but when he lovingly caressed every inch of Zell's body with his tongue it did seem a trifle like he was pleasing Zell without a thought for his own desires. Licking someone else's skin couldn't be that great could it?

The martial artist pulled his hands closer to his face and in doing so brought Seifer's hand that held them as well. He flicked his tongue out experimentally over Seifer's skin. It tasted warm and kind of secretive, which was nice. Like the forest he usually likened it to but with a touch of musk, maybe because his hand had been rubbing all over Zell's skin before it caught his hands. He was sliding his tongue along Seifer's knuckles and sucking one finger into his mouth when he realised Seifer had stopped.

The gunblader smirked slightly when their eyes met.

"Experimentin'," Zell explained, and thrust his hips toward Seifer's. "Can we start now?"

"I was all ready," Seifer replied, sliding his body up to lie over Zell's. "But then you distracted me with your tongue."

Zell grinned. "Sorry, I was wonderin' why you like to lick me so much."

"I told you," Seifer replied as he ran a soothing hand over the muscles in Zell's arse. "Because you taste good."

Zell scoffed and looked around for lube. "Thought maybe you were makin' up for me never gettin' to fuck you."

Seifer grinned as Zell freed a hand. "Don't be stupid. Why would you want to do that when you can have my awesome cock buried inside you?"

Zell sighed as he handed over the massage oil he had found. Of course, they were both here so Seifer could exert control and enjoy himself. It had nothing to do with Zell really; he was just a body to fuck. But then the only reason Seifer was allowed to think that was because Zell didn't inform him otherwise. He didn't mind not getting to top, in truth he didn't really want to, he enjoyed what Seifer did to him and that was perfect. In some ways he wanted to be owned but in others he'd like to be respected too. It would have been nice for Seifer, just once, to ask him how he wanted to do it, so he knew the option was there, even if he never took it. But Seifer liked to be in control.

Even now he was grabbing at Zell's hands to hold them above his head as one finger slid inside him. Zell tilted his head back and closed his eyes. It was strange the way he let Seifer inside him. The one person he had never tried to befriend and yet here they were, lying naked together with one... Zell hitched a breath... two of Seifer's fingers inside of him. It was bizarre and yet so pleasing. When they fucked this way, this gentle, long-lasting kind, Seifer would caress inside him like a masseuse and, Zell knew, he would watch the smaller blond's face. Maybe it pleased him to know that he could please Zell as well as irritate him- who knew with Seifer.

When the gunblader's mouth began kissing his neck with wet, lapping kisses Zell knew soon Seifer would slide his cock inside him and they would fuck. Seifer's mouth came to his, tongue pushing into that slick cavern, lips pulling and sucking at his own, teeth nipping gently. Once these kisses had been the only thing that seemed loving about them, but now things were different and they reflected instead how much had changed between them. No longer were they soft, or erotic, they were hungry kisses now, almost rushed.

Zell's hands were released and he reached to wrap an arm around Seifer's shoulders, pulling his hot, sweating body over his own as he tightened his legs around Seifer's hips. He could feel the ache in his lower body grow; he could feel need overwhelm him. He pushed up against Seifer's toned chest, searching for stimulation against his aching cock, rubbing shamelessly against Seifer's smooth ivory skin.

Seifer pulled his fingers out and grabbed a firm hold of Zell's hip. He wanted to pound this body into the mattress beneath them. He wanted to own it. To carry a piece of it with him wherever he went so he would never be without this. But it was Zell that lay beneath him, Chicken Wuss. Not a lover, not a friend. A body that wanted his. So he dug his fingers in, knowing he would leave a few marks and pushed his erection into the other boy. The heat that encased him, the tight squeeze, the pleasure, it didn't send shivers of electricity along his veins any more, it didn't make him feel like he was on drugs. It was... disappointing. Like all they had once been was gone.

The feeling of Seifer was total and complete, shivering through his body but not like a fever, more like something he was trying to make work but couldn't. Seifer's hands held no caress, his lips no taste, his breath no scent of addiction, his cock no release.

They shifted. Zell rested his chin over Seifer's left shoulder and tilted his head toward his partner. Their ears rubbed together and Zell's knee banged against his shoulder whenever he thrust into Zell's lithe body. Seifer's hand was pressed along his spine just below his shoulder blades holding him up slightly, arched against the other blond's chest. His other hand had a tight hold on Zell's wrist, feeling the tendons grind together beneath him.

Their rhythm was slow and steady, the press of their bodies joined together was hot and sweaty, and made the room feel humid. The head of Seifer's cock pressed continuously against Zell's prostate and the smaller blond moaned with each thrust. But it felt like a show.

When Seifer let go of his wrist and took Zell's leaking cock in his hand. The martial artist bit his lower lip, but the flesh slid out from between his teeth so he latched onto Seifer's shoulder and wrapped himself around the ex-Knight as tight as he could go, squeezing ribs between his knees, biting flesh between his teeth, strangling the stiff erection that moved inside him, willing the emotions to return.

Zell came against Seifer violently, slamming his hips up against the gunblader and throwing his head back. Seifer thrust sharply and released his seed inside the other boy. Then, like a deflating balloon their limbs untangled from one another and they pulled apart.

It was different now. The sex had been perfect before because there were no other emotions but lust. Now they thought too much, they wanted too much. They both wished for something more from their relationship but they both also knew so many changes and so much work would have to be done in order to create it. Each wanted a partner, someone to love and confide in, but neither could admit it to themselves let alone each other. So all the while, as Seifer licked along his neck, as he cried Seifer's name, what he wanted wasn't sex, but affection. And all Seifer wanted was to be loved. Though neither of them knew it. These subtle changes inside made their fucking imperfect, because they each wanted more but wouldn't give it until they received it. They held back, when before they had let loose and the result was frustration, and irritation, and fighting.

As they lay together, drifting into sleep a semblance of melancholy settled over them. But Seifer wasn't given to feeling sad so it manifested itself in irritability instead.

"Do you think there's a time limit on these things?" Zell asked suddenly.

"What things?" Seifer glared at him with his eyes shut.

"This kind of relationship. It's been three months now, would you believe?"

"No," Seifer snapped. "Shut up and stop being a bloody girl. Why do you have to count everything? It doesn't matter how long we've been doing this, or how many hours since last time or how many days since we ate together. It's bullshit. You know as well as I do we're not here for that. Now shut it and go to sleep."

Behind him Zell sighed sadly and snuggled deeper under the covers. No, it didn't matter. Maybe that was the problem.

Author's Note

Hmmm, character development. It's purposefully unsatisfying by the way.

This one has a dedication: for you, Moruwen, in lieu of a Scottish lad in a kilt. Mmm, kilt... Maybe next year.

There are two short chapters as opposed to one long one because of the four-week gap in between the incidences. Also sorry for the dramatic change but I'm playing God today so we're doing this my way XD

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