Numb
Chapter 2
Numb
Chapter 2
The was dark, silent. He wasn’t sure why he had woken up; he never had trouble sleeping before. Rinoa had become keener to sleep with him. He didn’t know if he wanted to or not, he knew it wouldn’t be like what he had with Seifer. He didn’t know if that was good or not. She thought he was just a nervous virgin, he sort of was one, he had never topped anyone before and never been with anyone but Seifer.
In a way he liked what he had with the blonde it wasn’t as complicated as only relationships were it was simple, easy not like what Rinoa wanted from him. He didn’t think he hated Seifer even though he probably should hate him even if the war was a big enough excuse then the general asshole-ishness should be enough. He loved Rinoa right? Would he hurt if she left him? Would he hurt is Seifer left him?
He turned over and closed his eyes trying harder to sleep to stop thinking so much. There was a knock at the door and he groaned, reluctantly rolling off the bed to the front door. It was 2:30 who was calling at his bed at this time?
Seifer stood on his doorstep leaning on the frame, smiling strangely at him in a non-Seifer type of way.
The brunette blinked. “Seifer? What-?”
“You called for me.”
“I did?”
“Yeah I heard you.”
“Oh.” He stepped back to let the taller man into his dorm even though he still didn’t understand.
“It’s late.” His lover stated. “Did you want me to stay?”
“I- Yes.” He thought the blonde was acting a little funny but only familiar like he knew someone who acted like this but not his lover.
“And Squall-”
“Yes?” He turned round to face the blonde but suddenly they weren’t in his dorm anymore and Seifer wasn’t smiling at him. They were in the training centre and his lover lunged at him, blade held high. Squall fell to his knees, an unbearable pain stung between his eyes and he looked up at the cocky face of his lover.
Squall jolted awake finding himself back in his bed again, having of course never left it. He panted and ran his hot hands over his sweating face. He glanced at the clock and sighed. Only 4:30 in the morning still. Why did he have to wake up every few hours? He sat on the edge of the bed, the cool air feeling nice on his bare legs. He slid out from under the covers and leant his hot face on the cool windowpane; the top window was open slightly so the night air lapped against his face. It felt nice.
He pulled on a dark grey robe and his boots as he headed for the door. A walk would be nice; to get some air and relax. The garden halls were silent as if no one lived there at all not like in the day when the sound of chatter and laughter was deafening. He walked to the front gate without seeing a soul. Squall headed over to the usual place, a large rock that stood before a cliff with a prefect view of the sea and the night sky that spread out before him. The stars sparkled and the moon shone, lighting up the whole sky.
“I swear you never sleep.”
Squall didn’t jump; he had been expecting it. “What about you?” He shivered.
“You cold?” Seifer walked up to him then past him standing slight in front and to the side of him.
Squall looked straight through the vision of his lover. It was like his dreams. The first time he swore he was going mad, he was seeing transparent Seifers and only when he was alone and out here. Always when he came out here Seifer would appear, this ghost Seifer. Squall was worried that something had happened to the current Seifer when he first saw this one. The blonde had explained that he was dead but also from the future so Seifer was dead yet but he would die at 20, the age he was now. The first time when Squall asked why was he there he answered. ‘You called me.’ He still didn’t know what that meant.
“How did you die?”
“I told you.”
“I know on a mission but when? What mission?”
The blonde smile. “Why ruin the surprise?”
Squall didn‘t smile back instead he frowned. “Am I there?”
The blonde fell silent instead of answering he sat beside his ex-lover and raised a hand to touch his cheek. Squall didn’t really feel the caress it felt more like a warm tingling against his skin, it make him shiver.
“Don’t listen to me, I’m a prick.”
“I know.”
Seifer chuckled. “I mean it though, I’m an idiot and I’ll say some things to you but I don’t mean them.”
“I know.” Squall paused looking out at the sky. “What do you do when you’re not with me?”
“I watch you.”
“Why?”
The blonde smiled. “I don’t remember you being this talkative.”
“I only don’t speak to the living.”
He smiled and gazed up at the sky. “Nice night isn’t it?”
“Yeah... Seifer?”
“Hmm.”
“If you tell me I can change it.”
The other man smiled. “Don’t bother, there’s no place for me anymore.”
Squall frowned. “No place? But what about me?”
Seifer bit his lip. “It’s late and you’re cold, get some sleep yeah?” He leaned back and pressed a kiss into the brunette’s forehead.
Squall stood. up. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
The blonde nodded.
The brunette headed back to bed. What happened to him? In the future did he choose Rinoa over Seifer? He didn’t think that was likely not if his Seifer would turn into ghost Seifer, the one he enjoyed talking to. He liked the other man, he didn’t even have to think about that and he thought about everything. There was no one else in his life other than the blonde. Maybe Seifer left him for someone else, but who? He lay down on his bed knowing he wouldn’t sleep. This would haunt him for a while.
The morning came all too slowly for Squall, he awoke more times before 7:00 rolled around and he only had a couple of hours between when he got back to bed and had to get up. There was a knock at the door and Rinoa stuck her head round the door.
“Morning.” She placed a brown paper bag on the bed. “I brought you breakfast.” She smiled looking cheerful. “I thought we could spend the day together.”
“I have work to do.” An automatic response that he used for everyone except Seifer, both of them.
“I have to shower.” He got up and walked into the bathroom before she could argue.
Maybe he should break up with her for Seifer’s sake, hoping that if he helped the blonde he wouldn’t die and he other man would turn into ghost Seifer. It was obvious that the ghost cared for him, the light conversion, the touches, the kisses. It was like he cared for Squall and missed him dearly. Did the current Seifer care about Squall in that way? Or was it a gradually thing? Did ghost Seifer fall for Squall after he died? Too many question and no one to ask. If he breathed a word of this to anyone they’d lock him up for sure. He had another ‘training session’ with Seifer today those were becoming less common he wondered why, maybe he could try and find out today. He never was good at talking to people except ghost Seifer, maybe if he tried to be nicer to Seifer. He rubbed shampoo into his hair hearing a noise for the next room he quickly washed it out again, wanting to get back to his girlfriend. Not for the reasons that he should want to be near her but in case she found... things. Like condoms, not really the thing a ‘virgin’ would have and that magazine that Zell had brought and subtly left in his room after he seemed so uninterested in Irvine’s ‘Girl next door’ magazines.
He wrapped a towel around himself and walked back into his bedroom.
Good so far?