#1 Crush
Part Two
By J. Marie
#1 Crush
Part Two
By J. Marie
Warning!!! This is a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Squall Leonhart and Seifer Almasy from Final Fantasy VIII. It is rated NC-17. This is story is part of a fic exchange with Scarlet Fever, webmistress and fanfiction author of Fountain of Decay. Well, after trying to write a Seifer x Zell three times, I begged Scarlet Fever for mercy. She took pity on my muse, and instead requested a Squall x Seifer. Seifer and Squall seem to be an endless source of inspiration for my muse, so this worked out rather well. Then we got to cooking up a plot idea, and decided to write a story arc. She's doing the Kiros x Laguna end, and I'm doing the Squall x Seifer. We worked out a plot base together (although each story contains our own storyline), and even each put in our own villain. Eva Aufgerbrochen is Scarlet Fever's creation, and Donovan Aufgerbrochen is mine. She came up with the Garbage idea, and I ran away with it. :) I think we make a pretty good team, but as always, you guys are the judge. But of course this story is to please Scarlet most of all, because it's written FOR her. So I hope she likes it.... Otherwise I'm gonna haveta rewrite. And I would like to thank Serena Almasy for being kind enough to send me the lyrics of "#1 Crush".
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine
I would cry for you
I would cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears, I'm drowning on fear
I will pray for you
I will pray for you,
I will sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talkin'
You will believe in me, and I will never be ignored
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, you're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missin'
Throw away all the pain that I'm livin'
You will believe in me, and I can never be ignored
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you,
Take the cross for you
Make me a part of you
Because I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you
---Lyrics to "#1 Crush" by Garbage
The ride to Esthar was as silent as a tomb.
Squall kept glancing over at Seifer, but the blonde almost made it a point never to look in Squall's direction. Squall sighed to himself and landed the two-person carrier in the Esthar badlands, a day and half away from the location of Donovan Aufgerbrochen's camp.
Donovan Aufgerbrochen. Seifer's father. And the one of the sickest sons-of-bitches in the world.
Squall knew it was festering inside Seifer. Driving him mad. He knew because he let things fester inside him. But Squall didn't want anything festering inside of Seifer. He didn't want Seifer to be hurting.
If anyone asked Squall when he started caring about how Seifer felt, he couldn't give an answer. He wasn't even sure of it himself. It wasn't like he had woken up one day and realized that he cared about his childhood rival. Maybe it had always been there and Squall never bothered to notice it before. Maybe it crept up on him while he slept. But he had to admit, even if it was only to himself, that he cared about Seifer. And he cared deeply.
"Seifer?" Squall asked, his voice breaking the silence as they trudged through the barren wastelands near Esthar.
The handsome blonde said nothing, but turned his face to Squall. Seifer's face was as still as stone, but there was pain in his eyes. Squall swallowed and gathered his nerve.
"Seifer. You have to talk about this. You can't keep it inside you like this," Squall said, mimicking Quistis' tone of voice.
"Oh, really? Leonheartless, the Ice Prince, is telling me that I shouldn't keep things inside me?" Seifer asked in a dangerous tone of voice. Squall sighed. He turned his face.
"Never mind," Squall sighed. He was horrible at expressing himself. How could he possibly help Seifer? Maybe he should have put Quistis with Seifer. She was good at this sort of thing.
An hour passed in silence. Then, much to Squall's surprise, Seifer spoke. "It's not fucking fair," he said.
Squall glanced over at him. "What's not fair?" he asked.
"That you get a great dad who loves you and I get Charles Manson, who couldn't give two flying fucks what happened to me," Seifer said, his tone bitter and full of pain.
Squall bowed his head as he walked, trying to think of something to say. Before he could, Seifer spoke again.
"And you got Rinoa, who loves you. In fact the world is just filled with people who love you, isn't it?" Seifer asked angrily.
Squall raised his head, his gray gaze meeting Seifer's hot green gaze. "Do you hate me that much?" Squall asked softly.
Seifer seemed near tears. His eyes brimmed with unshed tears. "No. I wish that I hate you sometimes. But I don't. It would make my life so much easier if I hated you," he spat and turned away, walking quickly.
"Your mother loved you. She loved you enough to give birth to you. Most women would have had an abortion. But she loved you," Squall said quietly.
Seifer turned his face, but Squall still saw the tear roll down his face. The brunette acted impulsively, something he had never done before. He placed a hand on Seifer's shoulder. "Seifer.. You're not your father. You're you. You're Seifer Almasy. You're my best friend, and the Seifer I know didn't let Ultimecia's mind games keep him down, and he wouldn't let this keep him down, either," Squall said simply, squeezing Seifer's shoulder for emphasis.
Seifer turned to face Squall, his face serious. "Do you mean that?" he asked urgently. His face looked so vulnerable all of a sudden.
"Yes. You're my best friend," Squall said carefully. Seifer smiled at him. Squall couldn't help but smile back.
"And you're mine," Seifer sighed and bent down, his forehead touching Squall's. Squall looked up into Seifer's eyes, seeing a sort of naked vulnerability he never expected from Seifer. Something unexpected passed between them at the moment, a powerful ripple of emotion that took them both by surprise.
Squall broke the contact, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with strange emotions. "Let's get going, okay?" he said softly.
Seifer looked a little hurt, and a lot disappointed when Squall broke away from him. "Alright," he agreed glumly.
Most of the rest of the day was passed in silence.
The firelight almost made the landscape inviting.
"Never thought it would be so cold at night," Seifer muttered. He was wrapped up in a blanket by the fire, staring over at Squall, who was shivering under his blanket as well.
"Yeah," Squall agreed, his thoughts still dwelling on his emotions. He was so wrapped up in his internal conversation he missed what Seifer said next.
"Huh?" Squall asked, focusing back in on Seifer.
"I asked if you wanted to share blankets. Extra blankets, two people's body heat... I figure we could actually not freeze our entire asses off tonight if we slept beside each other," Seifer said, almost shyly.
Squall nodded and moved over beside Seifer, and they piled their blankets on top of the other. Squall flipped on his side, his back to Seifer. Seifer lay beside him, his back pressed against Squall's. They felt a little warmer, but both men were a little uncomfortable.
"What's it like to have a father who loves you?" Seifer asked after a few minutes.
Squall blinked. "I... It's strange, really. I'm so used to being on my own, that it's weird to have some guy doting on me. Do you know that for the longest time, I thought he was gay and had a thing for me? Turned out I was his son....." Squall said in amused tone of voice.
Seifer chuckled. "I could see why you thought that. He's a little fruity," the blonde rumbled.
"A little? My dad's on fire, man. He collects stuffed animals, for the love of Hyne," Squall chuckled.
"Does he have a thing for Pooh Bear?"
"Um, half the collection is Pooh and his friends..."
"Yeah, he's gay..." Seifer laughed.
Squall chuckled. "It's funny, but I don't he is. I think he's bisexual, if he even likes men. What's funny is the black dude he hangs out with, Kiros, is gay. And Kiros don't act gay at all," he said.
"Not that being gay is a bad thing..." Seifer said in an odd tone of voice.
"No... It's not a bad thing at all," Squall agreed quietly. The uncomfortable silence settled over them both again.
"You must be really worried about Rinoa," Seifer said, trying to fight back the silence.
"Not really. I know that sounds horrible, but I'm not. I've barely thought about her. I've been more worried about you."
Seifer swallowed and turned over to face Squall, who still had his back to Seifer. "Why?" he asked.
Squall half-turned to look back at Seifer. "I... I don't love Rinoa. I used to think I did, but the more time that passed, the more I realized we don't belong together. I was going to break up with her. But then she got kidnapped...." he said, not meeting Seifer's eyes.
"Oh," Seifer said, turning back away from Squall.
Squall sighed and turned back as well. He felt like a horrible person. "I'm sorry," he finally said.
"For what?"
"For taking her away from you."
"I didn't love her either, Squall. I love... somebody else."
This piqued Squall's curiosity. "You do...? Who?" he asked, innocently.
Seifer closed his eyes and reopened them. He set his jaw and turned over to see Squall. Squall was lying on his back, looking at Seifer in curiosity. "Do you really want to know who I love, Squall?" he asked, almost sadly.
"I asked, didn't I?" Squall blinked.
"It's you. I love you, Squall," Seifer said in a childish voice, but he didn't turn away. Squall met his intense green gaze, his blue eyes wide with shock.
"Me...? But... Since when?" Squall asked, bewildered.
Seifer's face looked so vulnerable, and he was almost trembling. "I'm not sure. Maybe since always. Maybe it's new. I don't know... But it's there...." he whispered.
Squall swallowed. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how he felt. He wasn't repulsed, or disgusted. If anything, he was flattered and intrigued. Seifer was staring at him expectantly, like he expected Squall to jump up and make Seifer leave. His eyes were naked, vulnerable. Squall knew that if he rejected Seifer, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to or not, that Seifer would be hurt deeply. More than even the revelation of his father, or what Ultimecia did to his mind.
Squall wasn't sure what he felt, but he knew that that being with another man didn't disturb him. He sat up slowly, leaning over Seifer. he bent down and placed a kiss on Seifer's lips. Seifer seemed surprised, but kissed back, their lips moving against the other's slowly. Squall closed his eyes. This was madness. What was he getting himself into?
But the kiss worked it's magic on them both. Squall was pulled into the kiss as much as Seifer was. He enjoyed the touch, and the feel, as much as Seifer did. Their arms wrapped around the other, their lips devouring each other. Their tongues and bodies entwined. Squall had never been so aroused by a kiss. The cold of outside was all but forgotten in this new warmth.
"Squall...." Seifer breathed into their kiss. "Make love to me. Please... I want to go face him tomorrow with a happy memory. I want to forget all this sadness and be happy, even if it's just once..."
It was a request that Squall could easily grant. He stared for a moment into Seifer's wet green eyes, and kissed the blonde's fluttering eyelids. It seemed madness for either of them to remove any clothing in the cold, but the body heat they were generating barely let them notice the cold. The pair quickly divulged the other of his clothing, their lips maintaining contact most of the time.
"Squall...." Seifer breathed, feeling the smaller boy's smooth body against his own. He caressed Squall's chest lovingly, admiring ever curve and contour.
Squall moaned a little, and they readjusted their bodies so Squall could enter Seifer. "Seifer... Do you have any oil or something...?" Squall whispered. They lay on their sides, but Seifer's thighs were around Squall's hips.
Seifer kissed Squall again before answering. "In my trenchcoat. I got some hand lotion..." Seifer whispered, fumbling around beneath the blanket for the trenchcoat he had shed, and rummaging through the pockets.
Squall kissed Seifer's long, graceful neck. "Do you need anything before...? To get you off....?" Squall whispered, his hand drifting down to Seifer's arousal, stroking the shaft gently.
"All I need is you inside me, Squall..." Seifer moaned, handing Squall the small bottle of hand lotion. Squall smiled slightly, and they continued to kiss, an action they never tired of.
"I've never...." Squall began, as he squeezed some lotion out with trembling hands.
"It doesn't matter, Squall...." Seifer whispered, taking some of the lotion and massaging it into Squall's hardening erection.
Squall moaned ever so softly, and probed Seifer's entrance gently, spreading around the lotion. Seifer sighed contentedly, and guided Squall's hand back to his throbbing erection. "I'm ready....." he whispered into their never-ending kiss.
Squall opened his eyes to look into Seifer's, blue meeting green. He gripped Seifer's thighs for leverage, pressing the tip of his erection into Seifer. The blonde winced slightly, but pushed back onto Squall as Squall pushed into him. Seifer gasped when Squall went fully inside him, and bowed his head next to Squall, breaking their kiss.
"I love you so much, Squall....." Seifer whispered into Squall's ear, as Squall began rocking into him. Squall closed his eyes, gasping in pleasure, wondering what he was suppose to say to that, when he wasn't sure of his own thoughts and feelings.
Squall's hand began to pump Seifer's cock, in rhythm with his thrusting. The two men gasped and moaned in pleasure, and their lips found the other's again. They kissed hungrily as their passion grew, both lost in the warmth of the other. They came nearly at the same time, bodies stiffening as they released themselves, Squall into Seifer, and Seifer onto Squall.
Both young men fell silent again, but it was no longer an uncomfortable silence. They snuggled against the other beneath the blankets, still joined as one.
The cold didn't bother them the rest of the night.
"Ready?"
Seifer nodded, hefting his gunblade and smiling softly at Squall. Squall smiled back, blushing slightly. They had almost silently agreed not to discuss what had happened last night, or why, but it seemed to bring comfort to them both. The pair soon set off to find Donovan's camp.
They found it late in the afternoon. Donovan's army had camped out on the border, by a torn holographic fence, with army tents, and lots of weapons and vehicles. Squall prayed Quistis and Irvine had made it to the other side of the camp, and were finding a nice sniper spot.
Squall cast a glamour on himself, and Seifer followed suit, the pair disguising themselves as Galbadian soldiers. They walked calmly over the ridge, where they would be in plain view to anyone. Squall made a hand gesture to identify himself to Irvine, should he be in position to see him.
It didn't take long, as they walked around camp, before they found where Rinoa was. She was in the middle of camp, tied to a pole, wearing not much of anything, her body bruised and beaten. She was gagged and her head hung listlessly down. Squall swallowed in horror. Even if Rinoa wasn't his true love, he still cared about her, and she had been horribly abused. Seifer made a small gasp.
"Let's just cut her down and go," Seifer whispered.
"If we do, they'll know who we are...." Squall whispered back.
"So? We'll just summon our GFs, and get out ASAP. C'mon, man, you handled Ultimecia and all her little pets. We can't leave her like this...." Seifer whispered.
Squall's eye caught at the movement by Rinoa. A tall blonde figure leaned on the pole, wearing a crisp black and red uniform. He smirked directly at Seifer and Squall.
"Hello, boys. Nice of you to drop in. Shame you were stupid enough to come alone. And those glamours won't get past my sweet sister. So... You came to recollect your little pet?" Donovan asked idly, his violet eyes glinting in malice. Behind him, a dark-haired woman moved past, her silky voice as full of arrogance and malice as her brother's.
"They have a transport near here, with a couple other SeeDs. The punk boy and hyper girl I warned you about. I can't find where the blonde with the whip and the sniper went," she said, making it known that Squall's plans were known to her. At least Irvine and Quistis were able to hide.
"Excellent. Thank you, Eva. I suppose you want to run off and make my darling old friend's life miserable. Do give Laguna my regards," Donovan purred.
"Always, brother dear," the woman purred and walked off, as smooth as silk. Something about her reminded Squall of Julia, Rinoa's mother.
"Now... I've always enjoyed a good fight. You came to rescue your sweet damsel in distress. And I, the terrible villain, shall now challenge you both to a duel. I want to see what you got," Donovan smirked, and pulled out Tigerclaw.
"Confident bastard, aren't you?" Squall growled, pulling out Lionheart.
"I'm going to make you pay, you sick bastard!" Seifer growled, pulling out Hyperion. A crowd of Donovan's soldiers soon gathered around the fight between their General and the two SeeDs.
"I really don't want to have to kill you, boy. It goes against my principles to kill blood. Why don't you just stay out of it?" Donovan sighed, pointing his weapon at Squall.
"Stay out of it? You raped my mother, killed my aunt, killed the closest thing I had to a father, and you expect me to stay out of it?? You're going down, motherfucker!" Seifer snarled.
Donovan sighed, and then quick as lightning struck out at Squall. But Squall was just as quick, and blocked the fierce strike with Lionheart. Donovan spun around, like a dancer, and blocked Seifer's swing with Hyperion. Donovan was good enough to start blocking both Seifer and Squall's attacks from both sides, laughing insanely while he did so. Squall stepped back to summon his GF, Eden, but he realized someone had placed a summoning block on him.
"My sister's really quite clever. She found me an excellent device to prevent my enemies from slinging spells or GFs at me. I've found it very useful over the years," Donovan grinned, and he landed a hard blow to the side of Squall's head, luckily for Squall it was with the flat of his blade. Donovan's men cheered him on. Squall fell down, dazed from the head blow.
Seifer screamed in anger and rushed Donovan, but the older man spun around cast a spell, which shattered Hyperion to pieces. Seifer stared at the broken pieces of his gunblade in shock.
"And the most beautiful part of it is that while you can't cast magic, I can," Donovan smirked.
Seifer put himself in a fighting stance, but he was no unarmed fighter. He was dead, and he knew it. But Donovan had no interest in killing Seifer. The blonde spun around, his blade flashing. He attempted to remove Squall's head, but the brunette quickly raised his gunblade, blocking the attempt. Squall stood up shakily, Lionheart in hand.
Donovan focused his attention on Squall, now that he had effectively neutralized Seifer. Seifer glared over at the monster who sired him, and realized that Donovan had a weakness. Blood. Donovan respected family, if nothing else. He wouldn't intentionally kill Seifer.
Donovan had already cast Demi on Squall, and was pressing the brunette with Tigerclaw. Squall was holding up admirably, but Seifer knew Squall was close to losing. Blood trickled down the boy's forehead, and he was close to passing out.
Seifer rushed Squall, knocking the brunette over on the ground and shielding him with his own body. Donovan pressed the tip of Tigerclaw into the hollow of Seifer's throat, his violet eyes narrowed hatefully.
"Get out of the way, boy. Or I'll kill you, too," Donovan hissed.
"Never," Seifer spat back, his own green eyes narrowed in righteous anger. Squall struggled slightly beneath the blonde.
"You would die for him, then?" Donovan asked, looking disgusted.
"In a heartbeat," Seifer said calmly.
Donovan sighed and hung his head. He shook it slightly. "Pity about that...." he said, almost sadly. "You leave me no choice then."
Before anyone could do anything, Donovan raised Tigerclaw in the space of a second and fired it at Rinoa's bound form. The girl twitched and gave a muffled cry, and went still. Donovan flashed his weapon back to Seifer, raising a golden eyebrow.
"I believe your mother and I went through this before. I won," he said calmly.
"No.... Oh my god, you fucking murderer..." Seifer said softly, his eyes filling with tears for Rinoa, who through it all, had been his friend. Squall struggled under Seifer, crying out at the sight of Rinoa's dead body. Seifer didn't move, or let Squall up.
"Get out of the way, boy," Donovan said sternly.
"Kill me, then. I would die for him. I won't let you kill him!!" Seifer spat angrily, pressing Squall back. He could hear Squall whispering underneath him.
"Please, Seifer! Just move.. He'll kill us both. Please don't do this for me.. Please...." Squall begged, crying now. He had lost so much, so soon.
"Never..." Seifer hissed, glaring hatefully at his father. Was this how it would all end?
"How noble. I shall regret this, boy," Donovan sighed, and swung Tiger claw back for a powerful swipe that would take off Seifer's head.
He never finished his swing.
The shot rang out from nowhere, catching Donovan in the shoulder, the shoulder attached to the arm that held Tigerclaw. Donovan screamed and fell to his knees, his weapon dropping to the ground. Seifer jumped up quickly, grabbing the fallen blade and pointing it at Donovan's head. The older man looked up, his eyes wide when he realized the tables were turned.
Squall tried to sit up, but fell down, the wound to his forehead finally drawing him into unconsciousness. Seifer could hear Quistis yelling behind him, her whip cracking. He could hear Irvine's gunshots. Irvine had saved his life. And Squall's.
"Tell your men to stand back, or I take your fucking head off," Seifer said coldly.
Donovan looked away, unable to meet his son's gaze. He gave the order have his men stand back. Seifer grabbed the older man, pressing Donovan’s own gunblade against his throat. He turned around to face Irvine and Quistis, who were running up. Tears were streaming down Quistis' face. Irvine looked somber.
"I'm so sorry... Oh gawd, I wasn't in position yet, and he did it so fast...." Irvine cried, staring at Rinoa's body.
"It's alright, Irvine. Pick Squall up. Quistis, get Rinoa's body. We're going to take a walk now. And my daddy's gonna come with us," Seifer hissed, pressing Tigerclaw to Donovan's throat for emphasis.
Irvine picked up the wounded Squall, who stirred and started moaning something unintelligible. Quistis took Rinoa's lifeless body from the pole, her face full of grief. Seifer started walking them towards their transport, holding Donovan hostage. Donovan’s men stared in abject shock, not making a move. Their tough leader wasn't so tough anymore.
When the group reached the transport, Seifer had Irvine and Quistis pile in first, with their respective loads. He stared up at the sky for a moment. "I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of being, and every corner of my soul. I hope you burn in hell," Seifer said simply, then slit his own father's throat, leaving the man gasping and choking, clutching his throat as Seifer stepped into the transport.
Even as the transport lifted off, Seifer knew Donovan Aufgerbrochen wouldn't die. He could see the Curaga Donovan cast on himself before he bled to death.
But Seifer would kill him the next time they met. And there would be a next time.
Squall woke up crying.
Seifer was beside his bed, looking at him sadly. "Squall. It's okay. You're in the Infirmary," the blonde said softly.
"Rinoa?" Squall choked out.
Seifer hung his head and said nothing. Squall swallowed. "My father?" he asked quietly.
"We lost contact with your father's group an hour after we infiltrated Donovan's camp. We don't know what's happened to him..." Seifer said sadly.
"Donovan?"
"The bastard had a Curaga, which saved his life, but I left him a pretty scar on his throat. Irvine saved our lives...."
Squall stared at the wall in front of him silently. The room was dark, and everything was cast in dark blue. "He'll be alright. Laguna has a way of coming out of things alright. He'll be okay, and he'll have this big goofy smile on his face, and he'll say he was sorry for scaring me......" Squall choked out, tears welling in his eyes.
He felt Seifer sit next to him, and pull Squall into an embrace. Squall let himself be cradled like a child, and sobbed into Seifer's chest for a long time. All his emotions, all his grief, all his worry, and all his love came pouring out.
"Seifer. I love you. I really do. I don't know how, when, or why, and I don't care.... But you have to promise me you'll never leave me. That you'll be here forever.... With me..." Squall said quietly when he was done crying.
Seifer held him tightly. "I'll never leave you, Squall. I would die for you. Anything for you," he breathed.
Squall held his lover tightly. "Then I can make it through this. If you're here, and if you believe in me, I can make it through this," he whispered. Squall closed his eyes, and prayed, prayed like he never had before, that his father was alright. One thing gave him strength, and that was Seifer's love. What Seifer said was invaluable to him.
I would die for you.
"I believe in you," Seifer whispered.
"I love you," Squall whispered back.
And in the midst of pain and grief, two lost souls found each other.
To be continued in Scarlet Fever's "Soldier Through This".