You Don't See Me
By Squall Leonhart, a.k.a. Malachite of Rune Tear
Okay, so I finally write another fanfic. And it’s my first songfic too! Seifer + Squall, of course. Typed out in one night! Woohoo! Not the best by any means (I had started out going for a super angsty fic), but whatever! Okay, Final Fantasy VIII and all its characters and other stuffs belong to Square. The lyrics to “You don’t see me” are from the Josie and the Pussycats movie soundtrack. I don’t claim any of this stuff, except for the fic itself. Main archiving is at http://www.geocities.com/ff8bishounen_squall. Please give me commentary, flames, reviews, feedback, whatever, so that I know someone actually read this…e-mail stuffs to malachite84 @ yahoo.com. Oh yeah, and read my other fics, available on my website or on fanfiction.net, where my username is Malachite. Now, must go to bed…Zzzz…
( /------/: represents lyrics)
You Don't See Me
By Squall Leonhart, a.k.a. Malachite of Rune Tear
//This is the place where I sit//
Squall Leonhart gazed up at the star-filled night sky, a wistful look in his eyes. If you knew him well, and few people did, you could see that he was feeling especially lonely. He slumped against the balcony, feeling the cool metal through his light shirt.
//This is the part where I love you too much//
‘I can’t believe I miss him this much…I didn’t realize what a huge part in my life he played. I don’t even know where he is, what he’s doing…what he feels, what he’s thinking…argh! What has he done to me!? Whenever I close my eyes…I see his face…’
//This is as hard as it gets//
“Damn him…DAMNIT ALL!” The slender teenage boy slammed a fist against the balcony, immediately regretting it as a sharp spike of pain shot from his hand. ‘Yeah, that’s smart…go and take out your anger on the Garden building…’
“Squall?” The soft squeak of the terrace doors opening caused him to turn around. A petite brunette girl stood there, clad in a baby blue nightgown along with a sky blue robe, which she wrapped around her slight frame. “Squall, are you alright?”
//Cause I’m gettin’ tired of pretending I’m tough//
“…Yeah.” He turned back to looking up into the sky, disregarding the girl’s presence.
“Well…if you’re sure. Come to bed soon, okay? It’s awfully late.” She padded away in her powder blue bunny slippers, closing the terrace doors again. Squall was once again alone.
‘Rinoa…she’s a nice girl, I suppose. Kind of dull, and not very bright…but, at least she understands. I’m surprised she still wanted to remain here at the Garden after we broke up…It just didn’t feel right…’
//I’m here if you want me,
I’m yours, you can hold me//
‘I didn’t feel towards her…how I feel towards him…’ A handsome chiseled face filled Squall’s mind, an arrogant smirk and a quirked blonde eyebrow showing the man’s arrogance. ‘I thought he was just annoying…but…the way my blood sang when we fought…I’ve never felt as alive as I did then. He’s so much more than people think of him…”
//I’m empty and they can all tell that I’m breakin’//
Quistis shook her head sadly, then pushed her glasses back up her nose. “He’s worse than ever…every day he’s even more quiet, more withdrawn…”
“If this keeps up, he’s gonna be worse than before!” Zell took a gulp of water out of the glass he was holding and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “We’ve got to find out what’s wrong with him.”
“I think I know what’s wrong with him already.” The stately blonde woman tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she sat down on the couch next to Zell. “He’s got a crush on someone he can’t have.”
“How would you know that?” Zell looked at the former Instructor curiously.
“Because…I can sense things like that…that’s how I was when I…you know…liked him…” Quistis coughed and blushed slightly, taking a sip of hot cider from her mug. “Of course, I’m over him.”
“You better be…we wouldn’t want Irvine getting jealous.” Zell elbowed her lightly.
Quistis rolled her eyes. “Knowing Irvine…he’d more likely try to get Squall into bed with us.” Zell giggled as she smiled wanly. “But seriously…I hope that Squall approaches this person soon.”
“The king of anti-socialness, making the first move? Remember all the stuff Rinoa put him through before he paid attention to her?”
“Anti-socialness isn’t a word…but you’re right. Maybe we can help him out. Let’s call the others tomorrow morning, maybe we can figure something out…”
Zell got to his feet, stretching and scratching his chest through the ratty old t-shirt he was wearing. “Kay…G’night.”
As the usually hyper blonde walked out, Quistis got to her feet and walked over to the ceiling-length window, staring out into the night sky. “We just want you to be happy, Squall…”
//Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me
And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could//
‘It doesn’t matter what I feel towards him. There’s no way he’d return my feelings. But…if only I had some way to know. I want to see him again…talk to him again…touch…’ Squall sighed again and lied down on the cushioned bench that was kept on the terrace. ‘Seifer’s out there somewhere…under this same sky.’ Taking off his jewelry and gloves, he placed them on the table and yawned. His stormy gray eyes closed as he dreamt of the tall blonde object of his affections.
//I dream a world where you understand//
“Mmm…Squall…” Seifer broke the kiss regretfully, smiling warmly at his lover. “I never thought we’d be like this…you know, me and you…boyfriends.” The other young man laughed softly, brushing another kiss on Seifer’s cheek as he pulled the blonde down to the bed.
//That I dream a million sleepless nights//
The muscular blonde’s jade-green eyes snapped open as he blinking confusedly, his mind still mostly asleep. It was still dark in the hotel room, and the clock said it was only a few hours past midnight. Seifer sat up in his bed, holding his head between his hands. ‘It’s always him....No matter what dream I have, he’s always there. Damn, Squall, what have you done to me…I can’t stop thinking of you…’
//Oh, I dream of fire when you’re touching my hand//
Seifer brushed his fingers over his lips, blushing ever so slightly as he closed his eyes and remembered the dream. ‘I can still…feel his lips on mine. Leonhart…you have no idea what I feel towards ya…But you’d freak if I tried to show you.”
//But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights//
‘Why can’t it be real! He’s all I want in life…All I need. Squall…’ Seifer snuggled back underneath his blankets, a frown on his handsome face. ‘It hurts…’
//I’m speechless and faded,
It’s too complicated//
‘Nothing hurts more than this…he’s the one person I want to like me, and he hates me...’
//Is this how the book ends
Nothin’ but good friends?//
‘Squall…I want to hear you say my name…Maybe if we both tried, we could forgive the past…but…there’s no way you’d like me as more than a friend. Hell, just being friends would be stretching it.’
//Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me
And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would//
‘Face it Seifer, no one wants you around anymore. Even Fuu and Raijin…they don’t need me. Squall would just spit in my face or punch me or something…I deserve it…’
//Way I wish you would…//
As his eyes drifted close, Seifer made a decision. ‘Tomorrow I’m going to Balamb…I can’t live, not knowing how he really feels…’
//This is the place in my heart//
Seifer walked in to the main Garden building, looking around. ‘It hasn’t changed a bit…I still remember, the time him and me had that talk here…one of the few civil talks we had. He’s really interesting when he’s not arguing with himself in his head.’
“Seifer! Is that you!?” “My GAWD! I can’t believe he actually came back!” Zell and Selphie bounded up to the muscular young man, clad in his usual silver trenchcoat.
“Yeah…I just came to see Leonhart. I’ve got something to tell him.” Seifer shifted uncomfortably, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the passing student’s faces. ‘They hate me…of course.’
‘Not even a single insult or remark out of him…guess the days of Chicken Wuss are now over, finally.’ “Uhm, I guess you can.” Zell rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he saw the way Seifer was looking at passersby.
“I bet he’s still asleep out on the terrace, like he has been every day since who knows when…Hey, there’s Irvine. IRVY!” Selphie waved the cowboy-like man over. “Take him to Squall.”
Irvine glanced at who he was supposed to take to the commander of the Garden and bit his lip. Seifer always had that dangerous glint in his green eyes, like a large cat that could pounce any second to attack. “Uhmmm…”
“Or else I’m telling Quisty about the time you…” Selphie whispered something in Irvine’s ear, causing his violet eyes to widen.
“Uh…no…Come on, Mr. Almasy…this way.” Irvine tipped his hat in Seifer’s direction, then led him towards the commander’s suite at a brisk walk.
//This is the place where I’m fallin’ apart//
Squall’s eyes opened to the clear blue sky, the golden morning sun streaming down merrily to the terrace. ‘Another day without Seifer…’ “Ugh…too bright.” The terrace doors clicked open, causing Squall to turn and cover a yawn. “Rinoa, I don’t feel like breakfast…”
//Isn’t this just where we met?//
Seifer stepped out into the sunny terrace, closing the doors behind him. “Uhm, hey…” ‘Gods, he’s beautiful…’ His eyes trailed up the slender brunette’s perfect body, to his gorgeous face. ‘Prettier than any girl I’ve ever seen.’
“Huh?” Squall got to his feet, his eyes widening in shock. ‘Seifer! Oh my god…he’s here! Am I dreaming? No…but then…why is he here?’ Squall tried to focus on the blonde’s face, but his stormy gaze slipped down Seifer’s toned chest, perfectly visible through the thin fabric of his white tank top.
Seifer’s eyes lit as the first idea popped into his head. He walked over in front of Squall and extended his hand. He’d left off his gloves. “Name’s Seifer.”
“Uh…I’m Squall…” Squall offered his own hand, and they shook firmly. Something else was there when their hands touched and their eyes met. “So…why are you here?” He winced at the cold tone of his own voice. ‘Stupid, don’t make him go away!’
//And is this the last chance that I’ll ever get?//
Seifer cleared his throat and scuffed his foot lightly on the stone floor. “I want to come back here…to Garden.” ‘To you.’
“…I could enroll you…I have the security clearance.” Squall opened the terrace and motioned Seifer into his sparsely decorated room. Sitting down in front of his console, he accessed the proper files. “Okay…it’ll take a while for the files to update, but you’re a student again. Really, if you just complete the next exam, you’re done with training…” The brunette twisted his fingers together, stopping himself from rambling on further.
“…I didn’t think you’d want me here” Seifer suddenly blurted out, then immediately flushed. ‘Damn, he actually put me back in without saying any crap!’
‘Blunt as ever…’ “Why not?” He blew his bangs out of his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.
//I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through and not enough to you//
“Because…I fought against you…I didn’t help you like I should have…” The blonde sighed as he looked around Squall’s room so that he wouldn’t have to look into those deep gray eyes.
The slender teen shrugged. “So you were brainwashed, big deal. That’s all in the past. If you want to start over, I’ll help you all I can.” ‘I promise I won’t lose you again…’
Seifer’s jade gaze met Squall’s inquiring look, and he smirked like his old self. “Thanks Leonhart…I owe you big time. Can I…buy ya lunch, or something? I found this great little Italian joint in Balamb…Best garlic bread you’ve ever eaten.” ‘Please oh please don’t turn me down…’
“I’d like that…” Squall smiled, running a hand through his messy brown hair. “It sounds great.”
Seifer’s jaw dropped at the sight of the rare Leonhart smile, but he got himself together after a few seconds. “Uh, cool…So, see you at the front gate in an hour?”
“Isn’t 11 a bit early for lunch?” Squall got to his feet, walking over to his mirror and running a comb through his hair. It had no effect, of course.
“Oh…Well…I was thinking that we’d have some time to talk. You know, about stuff…” Seifer paced back and forth, his mind telling him the hundred different ways he could tell Squall his feelings. His eyes shifted towards Squall’s bed, and his mind went towards the gutter, thinking about the hundred different ways to SHOW Squall his feelings. ‘Ugh…thank goodness these pants aren’t too tight…’
The brunette stripped off his shirt and folded it neatly, placing it in a basket outside his bathroom door. “I’m going to take a shower…I’ll see you in an hour then.” Squall gulped and blushed as Seifer stared at him. “So can you leave so that I can start?”
‘Shower…urk…’ Seifer spun around swiftly to hide his reaction to the site of Squall half-naked. “Y…yeah…in an hour.” He hurried out, deep in thought.
Squall finished stripping and turned the water on, groaning softly as the hot water soothed his muscles. ‘Seifer…he’s even more handsome than I remember. And so built…I wonder how big he is…’ Squall looked down and sighed, turning the shower to cold. ‘Oh Seifer…’
//Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me//
‘Even if he doesn’t feel the same way towards me, I’m gonna still try to be his friend or be damned.’ Seifer finished unpacking the bag he’d brought from his hotel room, putting the last item into the pocket of his trenchcoat. ‘I’m not going to let Squall out of my life.’
//And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would//
‘Seifer, I need you so badly…and now you’re back.’ Squall pulled his dark gray shirt over his head, brushing his fingers through his hair. ‘He seems like he wants to be friends…I want more than that…but…I’ll take all I can get. Just so that I can be near him.’
//Cause you don’t see me//
“Hey Seifer!” Squall smiled happily as he walked up to Seifer, who was waiting at the gate just like he had said he would.
Seifer looked up and smiled in return, his green eyes lighting up. “Squall! Right on time. Ready to go?”
//And you don’t need me//
“So, we all got established as the top Seeds in the world.” Squall waved off-handedly and bit into a piece of garlic bread. “No big deal, its just a paycheck increase.”
“Yeah.” ‘Damn, why can’t I say anything…maybe…it’s cause he just seems to be fine living like this, without me…’
//And you don’t love me//
“And then Fuu tells me that Raijin and her don’t need help. So, I go and book a room at the Balamb Hotel for a while, working odd jobs around the place…” Seifer adjusted his choker as he studied Squall closely. ‘Please give me a hint…anything…’
//The way I wish you would//
Squall looked out at the dark blue ocean outside the restaurant. It was located near the dock, and he was waiting for Seifer to finish paying. ‘Seifer…’
“Okay.” Seifer stepped out the door, walking over beside Squall. “Liked it?”
“Mhm…” Squall leaned against Seifer as both young men watched the seagulls dive for fish. ‘He’s…so warm…’ “Seifer, I’m sorry.”
The blonde blinked in confusion and looked slightly down at the shorter boy. “Huh?”
//The way I know…you could…//
Squall grabbed a handful of Seifer’s trenchcoat and leaned up ever so slightly, pressing his lips to the muscular blonde’s…and was surprised when his former rival kissed him back. They held it for as long as their breath could last before they parted, panting softly. “Seifer, I…”
“Squall…” Seifer wrapped his strong arms around his love, holding him close. “It’s okay…we’re together…”
“Just like we’re supposed to be…” Squall smiled, his stormy eyes shifting to a lighter blue. “I missed you…”
“And I missed you…Squall…” Their lips met again in another kiss, hungry for the warmth and emotion the other one held. It was more than lust…they had found out that they truly saw each other in the same way. As lovers…
“Squall…look…”
“Seifer? What’s in the box…oh!”
“Squall…will you…?”
“…Of course I will, Seifer…”
“Yes! Heh heh…come on, let’s go tell everyone!”
-“You don’t see me”, Josie and the Pussycats Soundtrack